He was quite sure he didn’t know anyone at the party, only she seemed so familiar, in the way she walked, and then, how many other people could have hair like that, the ridiculously long blonde curls, too perfectly smooth and curled to seem real. When she noticed him watching her, she quickly moved away. Had she recognized him? Or was she simply trying to get away from this stranger who kept staring at her?

No matter, really, he had more important things to do that night. He hadn’t infiltrated this party for fun.

Ernest attempts to explain how Emily’s hair works. It’s really too complicated for me to understand. What is it they say? When science is advanced enough, it just seems like magic? Something like that.

 

Alice met her in the desert, the lone figure the nomads speak of, but never explain. She was more fashionable than Alice had expected. Alice had become separated during a storm – it happened too easily, and she had been alone for some time when she spotted a woman in the distance. She didn’t move, waiting for Alice. She didn’t speak when Alice reached her. She started to walk, and Alice followed. Alice followed her until she saw in the distance, the caravan, and when she turned to the witch, still the witch said nothing. She stood and waited for Alice to leave.

When Alice returned to her friends they greeted her happily, and told her stories of lost children returned by the witch, camel and human alike. “The witch is the guardian of the desert, and of our people, in her own way.”

“The witch is the desert.”

D- “Hey! We’ve gotta get out of here! She’s home!”

D – “What’s with that pose?”

C – “Well, that didn’t really go as planned.”         D – “You didn’t get anything?”

C- “Of course I did!”     D – “Nice.”

The next day…         Old Lady- “…so you see, the police can’t do much about it. Can you find my jewels?”

C – “We’ll do our best!”       Old Lady – “Thank you dear.”

C- “Bye now!”            D -“… Awkward.”

 

C- “Wait a minute. Isn’t this why we became P.I.’s in the first place?”      D – “True. True.”

D -“I know! Let’s frame Stephen! I hate that guy!”         C -“Really? I like him.”

D-  “…Really?”          C- “Yes.”

D- “…Fine. We’ll frame someone else.”             C- “How about the butler?”

C- “It was your butler.”            Old Lady – “Oh dear!”              D- “Oh dear indeed.”

Old Lady- “Well, thanks for your hard work. Here’s your money.”           C-  “Thanks!”

C&D- “Sweet!”

A slow day at the office…

D – “I hate origami!”         C- “This is boring. What are we still P.I.’s?”

D- “It pays the bills.”        C- “Wouldn’t robbing banks accomplish the same?”

D- “What are you whining for? You get to be detective, and you get to smoke a sweet pipe.”              C- “Oh yeah, my detective pipe!”

C- “What do you think? Pretty hot eh?”            D- “I think I hate you a little bit.”

D- ~cough~

 

D- “Alright! Taxes are done. Let’s go do some crime!”           C- “YAY!”

C- “I know the perfect target! A rich old lady with lots of jewels!”                D- “It’s not your grandma is it?”

C- “Of course not!”

C- “It’s her neighbor.”

C- “So how do we get in without tripping the alarm?”       D-“You just leave that to me.”

A short while later…            C- “Cool.”               D- “Ok you look upstairs. I’ll be over here.”

C- “Sweet!”

 

The last thing she remembered was falling, and then she hit her head at the bottom of the stairs and everything went dark. She woke up in a tunnel, with a bad taste in her mouth, and a sour smell in her nose. She looked up and she could see someone silhouetted in a window, far, far above. There was a spiral ramp leading up to the window, but there was also a great big thing in her way. She tried to get around it, but the space was too small.

“You’re not meant to get around me; that would be quite impossible,” the lump said, and in a moment two legs appeared, and then two arms, one holding a scepter, and finally the head appeared – a rat’s head – wearing a ridiculous battered little crown. “No, your quest is to push me up this ramp, and then we shall see what is going on in the world outside.”

She couldn’t see any way around it, so she pushed. The rat was stupidly fat, and she hated to even touch it, hated the way her hands sank into the soft flesh of it’s back. “Push harder! At this rate you’ll miss saving yourself!” the rat yelled. She pushed, and pushed, for god knows how long, until finally, amazingly, she reached the top.

The ramp, the rat, it all disappeared, and she found herself sitting on one of the carriage wheels, floating above the lake. She was holding the rat’s scepter and wearing the crown now, but it wasn’t the right crown. It wasn’t her crown. She tried to pull it off, but it wouldn’t budge. She growled and looked around for something to help her.

That was when she saw the figure floating under the water. Her legs were tied to a great boulder, and her red hair floated lazily in the underwater waves.

She was too late after all.

 

D- “…So her uncle did it because of his gambling debts.”      C- “OK I see.”

Customer – “Thanks! You’re quite brilliant you know.”           C – “Oh, thanks!”

C – “Um…”        D – “It’s fine. I’ve made my peace with it.”

D – “At least I know you’re my minion.”     C – “What?”        D – “Nothing!”

C – “Can you get me a coffee?”        D – “No!”

C- “Dammit! Let’s go do some crime!”

 

D – “Now what genius?”

C- “I dunno… Should we rob a bank? Do you want to do that?”         D – “Yeah, alright.”

C- “Ok! Hold on!”          D – “Wha-?”

D – “FUUUUU-”

D – “…ck.”

D – “What a minute! What the hell was that?”       C – “Skills. Now let’s rob a bank.”

C – “What?”     D – “Of course.”

Robbers – “Get ’em!”

 

C – “Alright, now let’s rob a bank!”

~wee ooh ~     C – “Crap! It’s the cops!”

C – “Run!”

D – “What the hell?! We just did a good deed!”

C – “No, come on. It looks great on you. Plus, it’s totally unexpected!”

D ~sigh~

D- “Fine. But I insist you buy real masks. We don’t live in DC America where you can fool people with glasses.”

~Buzz~  C – “Yay! A customer!”

Customer – “Hi. I called earlier about finding my lost brother.”

D – “Let me just see…”   Customer – “Um- Where did you come from? Where’s that other girl?”

~Er…

D – “You still have to buy masks!”      C – “Yeah, yeah. Fine. But you’re wrong.”

 

 

7:30 AM

C- “You’re late.”      D- “No I’m not. You’re early.”

C – “Yeah, I forgot to change my clock for daylight savings. So annoying!”

D- “What’s this?”      C- “Oh yeah. I caught him breaking in.”

C- “What should we do with him?”      D- “Turn him in I guess.”

C- “That’s so boring. And good. I thought we were going to be supervillains.”       D – “Oh yeah. that.”

Hmm…

“You guys suck!! D&C”

 

And then one day she suddenly found herself on her own in a harsh and uninviting world, left feeling lost and disoriented and lonely.

But all is not lost.

 

 

C – “Bye now! Go sue his ass off!”      D – “Bye.”

C- “Hey, shouldn’t we be doing some crime if we’re villains?”    D – “Hm, yeah. I guess so.”

C – “Great! I’ll go buy some costumes!”    D – “Ah-!”

D – “Oh well.”

C – “I’m back!”

C – “Come on, let’s try them on!”     D – “Yeah, sure.”

C – “Are you ready?”

C -“I’m so excited!”

D- “Somehow, I feel like you’re mocking me.”

 

 

 

Next Page »